Where's Daddy?

One day before Rob died I was perusing a book store and discovered a book with great graphics and a sweet ending. I immediately bought it for Aubrey. I had no idea how important that book would be for us. In fact, nine years later … it is still on our bookshelf and I will never get rid of it.

I love books, and I so wanted my daughter to love books, too. I’d saved some of my favorite of favorites to pass down to my children: The Velveteen Rabbit, Little House on the Prairie Books, and the beloved (to me at least) Anne of Green Gables series.

My daughter was only around twenty months old and was a tad young for those titles, so I bought new ones for her. She had all the Mickey books, and Dr. Seuss, and I made it clear I loved her to receive books as gifts.

Most of those old titles from her toddlerhood are gone, except “No Matter What” by Debi Gliori. “No Matter What” is the book I will always cherish as the one that gave me the answer to Aubrey’s question: “Where’s Daddy?”

It was vastly important to me that I answer this question correctly. I didn’t want Aubrey to think he wasn’t home yet, and keep her waiting. I didn’t want to tell her he wasn’t coming home, in case she thought he’d just left and didn’t want to come home. And so I settled on he can’t come home. This highlighted to her that he would come home if he could – because he loved us, but he just couldn’t. He wasn’t able to.

Inevitably there were ‘why” questions, but I couldn’t bring myself to use the “D” word with her yet. Instead I remembered the “No Matter What” book and pulled it out to read with her.

The characters are two foxes. One big, one small. They have no gender in this book and are only called Large and Small. “No Matter What” is a book about love, and how no matter what Small does or says or becomes, Large will always love Small. The book even goes into abstract ideas about mending love with smiles and kisses, but the best part – the part that hurdled us over “Where’s Daddy?” was on the last three pages.

“But what about when you’re far away?

Does your love go too, or does it stay?”

“Look up at the stars. They’re far, far away.

But their light reaches us at the end of each day.

It’s like that with love – we may be close,

we may be far,

but our love still surrounds us …

wherever we are.”

Daddy’s far, far away and he can’t come home, but he still loves us and we can feel it every day. He’ll always love us, no matter what.